"If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?"
I don't know if you noticed, but you are also made out of meat.
Begins to wax sentimental over some variety of meat they could never give up.
Asks where you get your protein.
Where do you get your riboflavin?
"I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to eat plants."
Explains how they tried vegetarianism once and it didn't work out.
Argues that humans are different from other animals, and therefore eating them is morally justified.
Argues that humans are no different from other animals, and therefore eating them... Lions eat zebras, right?
Asks what would happen to the cows if we didn't eat them. Feigns concern.
Expresses concern for plant suffering.
Preaches to you about how preachy vegans are.
Wonders how we'd grow enough food to feed us all if everyone went vegan overnight.
Asks why you care more about animals than human beings.
Describes some extremely unlikely hypothetical scenario in which you'd be forced to eat meat to survive.
Points out that some object you own contains some infinitesimal amount of animal product.
Tells you about the vegan somewhere who once did something wrong. Concludes that all vegans are hypocrites.
"Vegetarian: Indian word for 'bad hunter.'"
Describes the happy farm animal they once saw somewhere.
Expresses a completely unrelated concern for starving children somewhere.
Something irrelevant about cavemen.
Wonders why you don't make better use of all that time you waste not eating animals.
Describes a vegan they knew once who suffered from some random ailment. Concludes it was caused by lack of meat.
"If you get pregnant you'll start eating meat and dairy again, right?"
Waves their 'food' in front of you, as though you secretly want it.
"We're mammals so we are supposed to drink milk."
"Vitamin B12 only comes from animals."
"A little steak once in a while won't hurt you!"
Talks about how he/she doesn't really eat that much meat.
"Plants are what food eats!"
Laments that they would be vegan except for [insert imaginary barrier, such as a husband, mom, or remote location].
Talks about being vegan for many years, but is now on the Atkins diet.
Brings up some blood-type bullshit.
"At least hunters, like me, kill our own animals."
"What would all the cattle ranchers and pig farmers and egg hatcheries and dairy milkers do? Their families will starve to death if you take away their income."
I wonder what the icemen and hired horse-and-buggy drivers and slaveowners did when those businesses became relics of the past?
"Hitler was a vegetarian."
Even if this were true (which is
doubtful),
what exactly does it prove, other than
Godwin's Law?
Stalin was a meat-eater and killed more people than Hitler, so what does that say about meat-eaters?
Mutters something about "rabbit food."
Threatens to eat two animals for every one you save. Then calls you an asshole.
Insists that veganism is a type of eating disorder.
Says animals are treated better than humans. Refers to rich aunt's Pekingese.
Wonders what you expect Bushmen/Eskimos/etc. to do.
Changes the subject to abortion.
Claims to only eat organic, free-range meat.
Claims to give thanks for the animal's sacrifice before every meal, just like Native Americans.
Expresses shock that you would deprive cows of milking, lest their udders explode!
Send
me your suggestions!